Day 8 - 29 May 2013 - Back to me

Time to step up the pace a bit.

Start with 5 min walk followed by intervals of 1.5 min jog and 2 min walk.

It didn't start too well. I decided to try out music with the 10k app I'm using, cos I've been assured it will help me run.

It didn't.

I forgot that I can't keep a headphone in my left ear (I have no idea why) so I spent my first stint of running faffing around with the headphones, trying to sort the music and resetting the app. So my breathing went to pot right from the start.

Plus the fact that my homemade arm strap for phone was worse than useless.

Home made arm strappy thing

So, yes, you were right Ang, I need to get a proper arm strappy thing for my phone/ipod!! Masking tape doesn't quite cut it.

Then discovered that my phone has about half a minute battery life when running said app together with music.

Disaster. I had to guesstimate the rest of the course and I'm sure I've pulled a muscle in my thigh.

So onto ebay to buy arm strappy thing and ear phones that stay in my ears.

Got a bit distracted though and ended up googling sports aids. Thinking of buying this.. a Face trainer!!

I figure it would do wonders for my double chin (s),

except it looks like a gimp mask. 









Or what about this velcro jogger....






 ...no need to worry about the locals laughing at me!!









But my personal favourite has got to be this

1970s massager.....

. Oooo-er!!I got to get me one of those green leotards.    lush :)




Which reminds me, talking of useless sports equipment, I found this in my attic the other day, according to t'internet, TOTALLY useless.

Ab cradle

Well, I figure its got to be better than nothing.









Mr S. decided to cheer me up in the best way he can....pizza and vodka. Oh yeah!!.. I can always try again tomorrow :)

          Well, a girl needs a treat every now and then :)

DAY 7 - 28 May 2013 - Rhydd (He's a bit of a freak dont you know)

Today, I cant be arsed.

So I'm going to introduce you to Rhydd.  Rhydd is my freaky friend from work, and he is 100% responsible for the stupidest idea ever known to man, which is me doing a 10k run. So we have made Rhydd join in to show us how its done proper like.

So without further delay...I give you....RHYDDERCH (rapturous applause).

    "Alright, enough of Deb, already. My turn. Not so much "run-fatboy-run" as "run-fifteen-stone-of-real-man-run".

I know what you're thinking : "But Rhydd.....you're already SO fit, running back and fore to work every day, uphill on the way home, ....setting a shining example to us all!!!!"

and you'd be right, but, by golly, I'm not as fit as I used to be.

I used to be SO fit I'd do a 15-mile run every Saturday morning just for a bit of a laugh. And that's not actually a joke. Seriously. I did. I've run a marathon in 3 hours 33 mins, finishing ahead of the guy in the werewolf costume and the giant tomato.

And its those glory days I wish to return to.

Basically I want to go from this...

Curry with one's pals

Sweaty Betty

 .......... back to this.







  My journey back to greatness began on Saturday began on Saturday morning, with a 7-or-8 mile run along the Tawe cycle path. It seemed to go OK. I managed to keep up a fairly respectable pace and didn't cry once.

Checking my time at the end I realised that I hadn't checked my time at the beginning. Crap! So a less than perfect start, but a start nonetheless. And starting's always the hardest part, right kids?

Oh and I also forgot to stretch.

My three golden rules of running:

1. Always do your stretches first
2. Keep hydrated
3. Listen to metal on my ipod

That marathon I did in just over three-and-a-half hours? At least 20 minutes of that is down to SLAYER. No kidding.

But I digress.

I have done the 10k before, probably about half a dozen times and managed it in about 45 mins. If I can come close to that, I'll be happy.

As the weeks go on I'm going to be upping my distances. I want to be back to 15-milers every Saturday. By the time race-day comes around in September. I don't know why. I just do. That's my target. My goal.

That and raising shed-loads of money for Cancer Research UK.

As KISS once sang:

"Everybody needs a reason to live! BABY! Everybody's got a dream, and a hunger inside!"

Etc and so on.

This time, of course, I'm not doing it just for me, but for Jeannette and Julie. And if that doesn't make me get up off my arse and train.

Nothing will.

Horns ablaze!!

Rhydd.

Rhydd

  

DAY 6 - 27 May 2013 - PAIN

Day 6 of training, Day 3 of attempting to run

Change of tactics.

          1) Run first thing in the morning before I see too many people I know that may mock me.

          2)  Run the reverse way around the course, cos I'm sure there are more down hilly bits going this way.    

              Not quite sure how that works, but its true.

          3) Seeing the sea later on in the course will give me more incentive.

          4) I look fatter in the evenings than I do in the mornings.

It sort of worked, however the first leg of the course is on the main road, the bit that I usually get to walk, so I have to super concentrate on pulling in those stomach muscles that I have discovered I haven't got, and try and project the image that I am a serious runner and not like I am staggering home from a 12 hour session in the pub. Not that I make a habit of 12 hour sessions in the pub because I have no social life. There just so happened to be quite a few 'serious' runners out this morning, it makes it oh so clear that I have some SERIOUS work to do.

Dean started off by behaving himself.

 "You're doing REALLY well!!!" and "keep it up, I'm REALLY proud of you!" 

Then he totally ruined it.

"Do you know, when I had all that fat around my middle, I couldn't run, but now I've lost it I can run SO much better...when YOU lose all that fat, it should be a lot easier for you."

Bastard.

Now, Mr Stringbob isnt exactly Mr Slimbob and if I had the energy he would be Mr Deadbob. So I will rise above it.

Which brings me on to the subject of pain.

Now in Debbie's world...most pain can be catagorised into 3 types (bear with me)

1) BAD pain.

    This includes, pain from injuries, pain form illness and emotional pain such as loss. And hangovers.

2) GOOD pain. Such as aches from exercise, labour, in fact pain that has a positive outcome.

3) Pain in the arse.

And that would be my lovely husband

pain in the arse

DAY 5 - 26 MAY 2013

ouch.

          Think my arse cheeks have been attacked by one of these ...........

but as I was sober last night, I think its safe to say that the pain is due to overworking my glutes,

 so today I have decided to have a rest day. 

Only my friend Bethan decided to send me this.

Cool, I'll work on my ABS instead.

Only I don't think I've got any abs. Well I think I used to....a very very long time ago, before my body (and mind) was RUINED by carrying and giving birth to three girls.

 Apparently abs are those muscles in the stomach area, your core muscles and if you work said core muscles, not only will my posture be better, my training will be easier, and as even more of an incentive I will go from looking like this  ...............

 

     

                                                                              to looking like this....

Allegedly.

So off we go...DAY 1 ....15 sit ups, 5 crunches...

First the sit ups. Lay on the floor, knees bent, hands at side of head, I can only imagine to prevent whiplash, from when I throw my upper body upright. Deep breath and.....NOTHING. My head comes up but nothing else. Oh.

OK try again. Deep breath, tighten muscles, .....heeeaaaveeee...and pftttttt.

Oops.

"Mother"!!!!! The 2 girly wirlies titter. "Wasnt me!" I reply. "Must have been the dog"......

Try again.

Deep breath, tighten muscles ....and ...lift....PFTTTTTTTT!!!

Oops (again).

 I feel like I've got a dead weight sat on my chest, but Dean is at work.

Perhaps I need to anchor my feet. "Girls, instead of laughing at me, can't one of you come and sit on my feet?"

"eurgh, mum, I'M not sitting down there!!"

  And so endeth my Ab training (for the time being).

DAY 4 - 25 MAY 2013

                                                    Today I am mainly .....

"What? THICK AS A PLANK?" gafaws Mr Stringbob, tittering at his own joke.

"NO, STIFF AS A BOARD".......(sigh).

ANYWAYS....

despite being stiff as a board, there is no such a thing as a day off in the life of Mrs Fat BlobbyBlob's training schedule. Julie has text to say she is out of hospital today, and will be home, so I have decided to walk the 5 miles to her home to see her.

It was a nice pleasant walk, with Mr Dickhead, Rosie (10) and Roxy and Buster (the dawgs). Despite the traffic skitting Roxy, we made quite a good pace.

4 miles in....Dean..." I cant believe Roxy has walked 4 miles and not had a pee!!"

                  Rosie..." I can't believe Mum hasn't either !!!!"

Oh how they mock me...

Andrew and Julie

(Well actually, I'm secretly surprised I haven't either.)

We spent a nice couple of hours entertaining Julie by taking the piss out of Andrew (a mandatory requirement) and we set off the walk home. The long way round. An extra mile. A very long mile.

Now. For my next problem.

As you may know, and it's not rocket science, fat girls have fat thighs. And fat thighs have a very nasty habit of rubbing together.

As my dear friend Helen said, when I asked her if she was going to join us.

"Alas my girls are adverse to being bounced around and I fear for global warming with my thighs rubbing together!!" 

I love Helen. I want her to be my ghost writer :)

Now, as I've been a fat girl for some time now I'm quite prepared for the thigh chaffing issue and I have taken measures in the past to prevent this, such as using this...

....although as I was wearing my super light skinny (ish) jeans and I was (for crying out loud) WALKING. I didnt think of using said gel.

BIG MISTAKE.

 Although I didn't have the issue of thigh rubbing, due to the forward thinking of wearing super light skinny(ish) jeans, there was a bit of a nasty issue of KNICKER ELASTIC CHAFFING. Needless to say I managed to stagger the last (very long - havent I said that before?) mile like John Wayne.

So with every problem, comes a solution, so I ( rather painfully) sat down to Google 'anti chaffing solutions' and I found this....

PERFICK!!!


I wonder if it comes with a built in camel toe :)

DAY 3 - 24 May 2013

Karen

Today a young lady called Karen Huxley
 did an amazing thing.

Today she had her head shaved live on The Wave fm in support of Jeannette who is currently having treatment for cancer.

Baldy Karen

You can see the photos on here. Doesnt she look great without hair?

Karen is also raising money for Cancer Research and her 'Just Giving' site can be found  here if you feel inspired enough to donate.

Rhydd and Jeanette

This is my friend Rhydd with the lovely Jeannette.
 Now, personally I really think Rhydd could have shown a little bit more commitment. As he's obviously already bald, my suggestion of him doing a 'sponsered comb over' was met with a withering look.

 Just as well he's redeeming himself by agreeing to run with us dressed in a TUTU. Way to go RHYDD!!!!! You da man :)

Anyway, day 3 of training , and this is what I learnt this time.

1) The cheapo 6 year old Peacocks sports bra does not really cut it anymore. This run was completed wearing no less than 3 bras. These puppies need a bit of support.

2) I need to take a tissue with me when I run. My nose runs faster than I do. Snot mixed with tears makes my hair stick to my face and is in no way a pleasant sight for the unsuspecting general public.

3) Maybe time to get a new running partner. Dear husband's wittisms such as 'I find it really difficult to run this slow' and 'look!! 2 snails have just overtaken you!' is NOT inspiring and is NOT encouragement.

Mr Stringbob squarepants

This is Dean. Feel free to
throw sharp objects at him if you see him.

day 2 - 23/5/13

I ache. 

I don't just ache, I ACHE! But my knees dont hurt, so it must be a good ache, so I feel good. And to top it all, I've lost 2lb!! Way to go.

So today's plan is to keep up the momentum without killing myself and just walk 3 and a half miles. 

1st mistake, I didn't wear my super expensive gel infuse, blister resistant running socks, cos hey, I'm only going for a sodding walk.

So I get a blister.....

Only kidding, thats from the film' Run, fat boy, run'....THIS is my blister 

Now don't let the size of the blister fool you. Its hurts like hell. And worse of all, I've now got blood on swanky new trainers.









Its not been a good day.

And now for something a bit random. Dont EVER buy this washing up liquid

Why? Because it's really really crap.

DAY ONE 22 May 2013

Today I weighed myself.

EEK!

After being on a permanent on off diet for most of my life, I've put on another half a stone, although I blame the bacon butty from yesterday.

Its going to be like an elephant running round Mumbles.

 I just really hope Swansea Council have reinforced their paving slabs.

No worries, onwards and upwards. Feeling positive, despite the start of a sore throat and sore knees.

STEP ONE. Need to buy swanky new trainers. Cos swanky new trainers are obviously going to help me to run like the wind. And obviously swanky new trainers are going to take to focus off the size of my arse. Obviously. So off to Sports Direct, where I bought swanky new trainers. Here they are. Aren't they swanky!!.

STEP TWO.
 Need to buy running leggings and a t-shirt.  Now this is where I come across my first stumbling block. It is really difficult to buy sports clothing if you are over a size 16. I found one pair of running legging, but horrors, they come with pink detail. The pink detail does not go with new swanky trainers, but, deep breath, they will have to do. Starting to lose the will, as there were only pink running jackets in my size (an elephant running is one thing, but a pink elephant is really quite another thing) I resorted to buying from the mens section. I left before Dean's eye rolling left him permanently disfigured. I went home and tried on my new gear. Now if you have a weak stomach I suggest you avert your eyes now :-

   

BEFORE 1st run

   My only solace, is - this is the worst I'm going to look. 

 STEP THREE.
 Download app on phone. Found one called 10K free. A 14 week  program that helps you train for a 10k run. PERFECT. Week one consists of a 5 minute walk to warm up followed by intervals of  1 minute runs and  1 1/2 minute walks for a total of 30 minutes, 3 times a week. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. OFF WE GO.

  And here we have a list of what I learnt today.

1. It is NOT easy peasy lemon squeezy.

2. There IS such a thing as the 'WALL' only I didnt expect to hit it after only 10 yards.

3. It really, really doesnt matter if pink accessorised leggings dont match swanky new trainers. It matters more that I dont vomit all over the lot.

AFTER 1st run

4. It really hurts.

5. I need to practise my breathing so that I can eventually run for a minute without feeling someone has poured bleach down my throat.

6. That wasn't the worst I'm going to look.

Its going to be a long journey :(

The start of a really, really stupid idea - 21 May 2013

Yesterday Julie told me cancerous cells had been found in her lymph nodes in her neck.

 We have no idea if it is a primary cancer there or a secondary cancer that has originated from somewhere else. She will be having a CT scan on Thursday and will have results on Friday.

 A month ago, my friend Rhydd's partner Jeanette had a mastectomy but was then told her cancer had spread to her lymph nodes around her lung. This is treatable but not curable and she has just started a six month course of chemotherapy.

Jeanette's friend Karen is shaving off her own hair in support for Jeanette. Last Friday I was talking to Rhydd about how brave I thought Karen was and he asked me if I would ever do the same. I replied that I would like to think I would but wasn't sure if hand on heart, I could. Then Julie told me she had cancer for the second time and I remembered my conversation about the head shaving.

Then I remembered that I have a fat face with a double chin and a never ending forehead, and as I tend to use my hair to cover said features, I went into a blind panic. 'I'll do it if Beth does!', I exclaimed.  'I'll do it!' Beth nobly replied. Really????? Shit, I thought. '

 Have you thought about running?' Rhydd said, obviously seeing the sheer panic on my face. HaHaHa, the whole of Amber 4 just dissolved into raucous laughter.

 I'll show them.

'Thats a good idea' I said ,'but lets make it interesting, there's a 10k run in Swansea in September, PLENTY of time to get prepared...and I'll do it if Beth does it, and we will RUN the whole way round!!'

YAY

. Much of the day was then taken up with great plans of fancy dress, sponsership, facebook pages and as I'm not starting it today, it really wont hurt to have a bacon butty for my snack.

Oh and Ang and Sharon are joining us. It will be FAB. And I've told EVERYONE so I cant back out...


.how hard can it really be?