"What? THICK AS A PLANK?" gafaws Mr Stringbob, tittering at his own joke.
"NO, STIFF AS A BOARD".......(sigh).
ANYWAYS....
despite being stiff as a board, there is no such a thing as a day off in the life of Mrs Fat BlobbyBlob's training schedule. Julie has text to say she is out of hospital today, and will be home, so I have decided to walk the 5 miles to her home to see her.
It was a nice pleasant walk, with Mr Dickhead, Rosie (10) and Roxy and Buster (the dawgs). Despite the traffic skitting Roxy, we made quite a good pace.
4 miles in....Dean..." I cant believe Roxy has walked 4 miles and not had a pee!!"
Rosie..." I can't believe Mum hasn't either !!!!"
Oh how they mock me...
 |
| Andrew and Julie |
We spent a nice couple of hours entertaining Julie by taking the piss out of Andrew (a mandatory requirement) and we set off the walk home. The long way round. An extra mile. A very long mile.
Now. For my next problem.
As you may know, and it's not rocket science, fat girls have fat thighs. And fat thighs have a very nasty habit of rubbing together.
As my dear friend Helen said, when I asked her if she was going to join us.
"Alas my girls are adverse to being bounced around and I fear for global warming with my thighs rubbing together!!"
I love Helen. I want her to be my ghost writer :)
Now, as I've been a fat girl for some time now I'm quite prepared for the thigh chaffing issue and I have taken measures in the past to prevent this, such as using this...
....although as I was wearing my super light skinny (ish) jeans and I was (for crying out loud) WALKING. I didnt think of using said gel.
BIG MISTAKE.
Although I didn't have the issue of thigh rubbing, due to the forward thinking of wearing super light skinny(ish) jeans, there was a bit of a nasty issue of KNICKER ELASTIC CHAFFING. Needless to say I managed to stagger the last (very long - havent I said that before?) mile like John Wayne.
So with every problem, comes a solution, so I ( rather painfully) sat down to Google 'anti chaffing solutions' and I found this....
PERFICK!!!
I wonder if it comes with a built in camel toe :)
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